How often should you be intimate with your partner?

By Posted in - blog on September 18th, 2014 0 Comments

One of the most frequent questions I get from clients pertains to whether they and their partner are having sex often enough. To this, I say “It depends.”

While some magazines may insist that there is a specific number of times per week you need to be physically intimate with your partner in order to be in a healthy relationship, I disagree. What makes a healthy relationship is how you handle the times when you’re not on the same page when it comes to sexual desire and drive. Men and women each have varying sexual needs at points throughout their lives. The trick to making a relationship work is finding someone who is open to talking about it when your two points are vastly different.

If there’s one partner who wants to be intimate frequenty and the other partner who recently doesn’t feel the same, start a conversation about what’s going on to make them feel this way. What does the partner who is less sexually driven have going on in their life? Perhaps they’re exhausted, stressed, or feeling disconnected from their partner. Anyone who has experienced a significant change in sex drive should also have a physical exam. While “ruts” in sex lives are most frequently caused by simple things that you can change in your day-to-day life, you should make sure there isn’t a medical cause for a change in sex drive.

Often, the solution to couples having more physical intimacy is for them to spend more uninterrupted, undistracted time together. Try spending an hour of quality time together once the kids are asleep. Remember: quality time does not mean sitting next to each other on the couch looking at your tablets and smart phones!

This may sound difficult because of busy lives and schedules but improving your sex life takes time and effort.


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