Men often feel like they are under a lot of pressure to perform in the bedroom. And we’re not just talking about maintaining an erection. The message men have been fed by society and media is that they should always take the initiative, always be in control, and know just how to satisfy their partner at all times.

This is the same kind of attitude that, in days of yore, made men reluctant to ask for directions when they were driving somewhere. Nowadays, of course, guys are saved from this dilemma by GPS devices, which can help them get where they are going without questioning their masculinity. Unfortunately, so far there is no device that can give you turn-by-turn directions in the bedroom.

Sometimes, guys, you just have to swallow your pride and ask for directions. And that’s okay. In real life, you aren’t a sexual superhero. And the chances are your partner understands that and is okay with it! That said, there’s no reason you can’t become a better lover. Here are seven mistakes men are making in the bedroom. Learn from them and start improving your sex life today.

Mistake #1: Thinking that sex starts in the bedroom.
A truly satisfying sexual encounter starts way before the two of you hit the mattress. Women who feel safe and secure with their partners are more likely to respond to them sexually. Does your partner feel safe, comfortable, and wanted? Making sure that your relationship is on a solid footing will help ensure that sparks fly in the bedroom! Guys, want to know one of the best ways to turn a woman on? A good, long hug.

Mistake #2: Not listening to what she wants.
Part of having really great sex is listening to your partner. What is working for her? Here’s a hint: it may not be the same things every time you take a roll in the hay. Depending on her mood and where she is in her monthly cycle, some areas of her body may be more or less sensitive then last time. How do you know? Many times you’ve just got to ask. Also, be alert for verbal and visual cues that she’s enjoying what you’re doing right now. If she is, do more of it.

Mistake #3: Rushing through foreplay.
For too many men sex is about just two things: vaginal intercourse and achieving orgasm. For women foreplay is not just the on-ramp to “real sex” but a key part of the experience. Don’t just head straight down south.; take time to explore the rest of her body with kisses and caresses. Work your way down her body slowly, building up the excitement, so that by the time you reach intercourse, she will be more than ready.

Mistake #4: Expecting intercourse to give her an orgasm.
Here’s a fact: not every woman finds it easy to reach orgasm from penetrative intercourse. Guys, this isn’t your fault, it’s just the way women’s bodies are put together. Many more women reach their climax primarily through clitoral stimulation. Know where the clitoris is and be sure to give it your attention. That said, you gotta take it easy because another big mistake is…

Mistake #5: Forgetting that the clitoris is extremely sensitive.
Overstimulation of the clitoris can be painful to her. So while you should definitely pay attention to it, remember that it’s not the X button on a gamepad! Spread the stimulation around. The clitoris isn’t just the little nub that you see peeking out from beneath its hood. It is connected to nerve endings throughout the vulva and even within the vagina. Finding those sensitive spots can be great fun for both of you.

Mistake #6: Being too quiet.
Men, here’s a common complaint from women that you might be surprised to learn: you’re too quiet during sex. You may think it’s obvious that you’re enjoying yourself, but when your partner is met with nothing but stony silence or soft grunting she may not be so sure. Let her know that you are enjoying yourself, that you appreciate what she is doing, and how sexy you think she is. Also, your voice is a powerful tool for seduction. Don’t let it go to waste. Tell your partner how desirable you find her, share a sexy memory or fantasy you’ve had, and then tell her what you’re going to do to her next. You’ll be steaming up the windows in no time.

Mistake #7: Going too fast.
Sex shouldn’t be a race to the finish line. If you start treating it that way, both of you will soon find it unsatisfying. Take time with your partner and enjoy the whole sexual experience from beginning to end. Start by seducing her, incorporate plenty of foreplay, and be sure to end with some cuddling. You’ll have a partner who will keep coming back for more sexual satisfaction.

Coming soon: 7 Mistakes Women Make in the Bedroom.

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